A new C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health released this month suggests that parents are talking to their children about puberty too late. Among the findings:

• about 41% of parents reported they approached talking with their child about puberty only when prompted by the child.
• only 36% of parents think it’s best to start puberty conversations before age 10, but research has shown that puberty is starting much earlier, even as early as age 7.
• only 31% of parents said they had received an adequate puberty education from their own parents growing up, which leads to parents avoiding the conversation.

As humans, we all feel less nervous and handle things better when we know what to expect. That’s why it’s a great idea to begin speaking to younger kids (ages 7-9) about puberty. They don’t need the sex talk, but they do need to know what will happen to their body and emotions.

Reasons to Talk Early

Unnecessary anxiety. Children who feel their parents haven’t prepared them often feel confused and anxious when the changes begin. Children who develop early may become anxious not understanding changes in themselves, and late-developing kids may see some changes in their classmates and wonder, “what’s wrong with me?”

Media and peers fill your silence. Youth today are exposed to a flood of information — and misinformation — from online sources and their peers. In previous generations, parents often felt like they could protect their children from certain topics, but that is no longer the case. Children need parental guidance on these subjects in order to receive positive messages and accurate facts. Parents must be proactive before their child receives harmful and/or inaccurate information from their classmates or the Internet.

Parenting Strategies for the Puberty Talk

Bring it up before your child does. One reason that parents might be delaying puberty talks is due to their overconfidence in knowing when their child is starting this transition. In the poll, nearly half of parents said they felt “very confident” in recognizing signs of puberty in their children, but researchers noted that many of those first changes are subtle and parents are missing them. Begin the conversation in elementary school, with basic, age-appropriate information.

Don’t worry about having all the answers. Your child does not need perfect information from you. They need to know that body changes are normal and sometimes feel overwhelming. They need to know you’re open to having a conversation with them so that they can come back and ask you their questions. They need to know that you’re willing to help them find answers if you don’t know something.

Approach the conversation privately and calmly. Parents should choose a quiet, one-on-one setting to discuss puberty. Present the information in a matter-of-fact way and reinforce that this is a normal and universal change that every human experiences. Avoid being intense or negative. In fact, it can help to share your own experience or use a light-hearted moment from a favorite movie so that it doesn’t feel scary. Offer to answer questions and check back in with them later.