Rejection can be incredibly painful, especially for adolescents who are developmentally wired to try to fit in and belong. Teens have less life experience to know how to cope with rejection, and are more prone to feel embarrassed about almost anything, so rejection can feel more like an “end of my life” failure.

Rejection in a teen’s life can be big or small. Perhaps your daughter did not get invited to the prom or your son didn’t make the sports team or your teen didn’t get into their first choice college. Whatever the source of the rejection, in that moment, your teen feels unaccepted and unworthy.

Rejection hurts, but it is a normal part of life and impossible to avoid completely. The key is to teach your teen some positive ways to cope in the face of rejection. Learning to cope is a healthier life skill than trying to avoid rejection because people who become too afraid of rejection hold back from going after something they want. They may spare themselves the possibility of rejection, but they are sure to miss out on what they want because they won’t even try.

As teens learn to deal with rejection, they develop better coping skills, which is setting them up to become a healthy, successful adult. Here are 5 strategies to teach your teen to better cope with the sting of rejection:

Identify feelings. Tell your teen to be honest as they move through the pain of rejection. Initially, it’s healthy and normal to allow yourself to feel the disappointment and sadness rejection brings. Encourage your teen to name their feelings. For example: “I feel really disappointed that I didn’t get chosen for the cheerleading squad. I practiced so hard, and I wanted to be on the team so badly. I feel left out because my friends made it and I didn’t.” Acknowledge the pain and reassure them their feelings are normal.

Develop self-compassion. Humans have a tendency to make their rejections so much worse by beating themselves up. We are already feeling low, and our inner critic starts in with negative self-talk. “Of course they wouldn’t want to be your friend, you’re such a loser.” “Why did you even apply? You’re not smart enough to do something like that.” Our own brains will kick us when we’re already down. Instead, we need to offer ourselves compassion and indulge in some gentle self-care. We must purposely choose to say and do nice things for ourselves. Activities like exercising, listening to music, dancing, drawing, writing in a journal, yoga, taking a bath, reading, taking a walk, or spending time with a pet can all reduce the sting of rejection. Encourage your teen to engage in an enjoyable or relaxing activity. Ask your teen to remember their positive qualities or past successes.

Find connections. One of the most common reactions to rejection is to withdraw. We want to lick our wounds in solitude. Unfortunately, this natural reaction is one of the worst ways to deal with rejection, as it only makes us feel worse and reinforces that we are an outsider or not valuable. When we feel the sting of rejection, we really need a dose of social connection. We naturally feel protected when we are with others who love us or care about us. Feelings of belonging will help us to recover from rejection much faster than isolation. Encourage your teen to make the effort to connect with family or friends.

Find perspective. After they have had some time to process their hurt, remind your teen that when one opportunity is closed, it gives room in their life for a new opportunity. When we can view our struggles as temporary, we become much more resilient and able to cope with the disappointments in life. Help your teen to view the rejection from all angles, for example, your teen can feel proud that they took a risk or they might consider whether there could be a good reason for the disappointment.

Learn. A rejection is a chance to consider if there are things we can improve about ourselves. This is an excellent opportunity to reflect on what went wrong this time and determine a better method or approach for next time. A rejection can help us identify where we may need to work, or it can help nudge us in a new direction that is a better fit for our talents or personality. Don’t let your teen miss the opportunity to be self-reflective when rejection knocks – it can make them a better person.