Resilience is one of the greatest predictors of a person’s success and is associated with greater satisfaction in life. Resilient people cope with adversity in a positive way or quickly rebound from challenges. When stress or trauma strikes, a resilient person still experiences anger, grief and pain, but they are able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically. Resilient people see past their difficulties, manage stress effectively, and still find enjoyment in life.

People who lack resilience tend to dwell on their problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse. They tend to think that if their circumstances change, then they would be happier or more successful. In truth, it’s not the conditions in our life, but rather our reactions to our circumstances, that determine our happiness and success.

The great news is that research has proven we can develop skills to become more resilient. Resilience is not something that some people are just lucky enough to have. It takes deliberate effort and researchers agree that it can be strengthened with practice. Today’s blog will offer tips for how parents can instill this important skill in their teenagers.

Tips to Raise a Resilient Teen

Teach positive coping skills. The choices we make to manage our discomfort can be negative or positive. Parents should role model and teach methods for healthy stress management, so that children will make wiser, healthier choices during challenging times. Encourage your teen to try a wide variety of healthy methods for managing stress to see what works best for them. Positive coping strategies include yoga, artistic or musical expression, engaging in hobbies, meditation or mindfulness, prayer, journaling, or deep breathing. These practices have been shown to help people restore hope and reduce anxiety.

Develop problem-solving skills. We undermine our children’s competence when we tell them what to do. Instead, empower your teen by encouraging them to work through solutions to their problems. Show youth how to identify their problem, brainstorm several alternative solutions, evaluate pros and cons of the different options, make a decision, break down the solution into manageable tasks, and evaluate the result.

Reframe thoughts. Resilient people monitor their thoughts and evaluate whether they are true. They work to eliminate negative self-talk that is unhelpful. Try to guide your teen to recognize negative thoughts, question their validity (what evidence is there for and against this thought?), and then replace negative thinking with more helpful or realistic perspectives. For example, you might try considering alternative viewpoints or other possibilities, focusing on the positive aspects of a difficult situation, identifying things for which to be grateful, or the potential for growth from a challenge. If your teen is a worrier, shift their attention to the present, rather than the past (which can’t be changed) or the future (which has many unknowns).

Accept change. Encourage your teen to realize that change is a constant part of life. When we resist change, we feel frustrated and overwhelmed. When we accept that change is inevitable and look for the positive things that the change might bring, we feel hopeful. Anticipating change makes it easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety.

Focus on what you can control. Having control gives us a feeling of order, stability, and safety. When facing change, problems, or other difficulties, resilient people look for the areas that they are still able to control and work on those things while letting go of the areas that they cannot control. Help your teen identify what is, and is not, in their control during tough situations.

Build support network. While resilience is all about managing adversity, it is not about “toughing it out” or going it alone. Research shows that resilient people have great support networks. Teach your teen important relationship skills, such as active listening, conflict resolution, good communication, and emotional support. Remind them of the importance of spending time with others to build relationships, and then connecting with these people when times are difficult.

Foster wellness. Stress is not just an emotional response – it’s also physical. As a result, taking care of your body actually improves your mental health and builds resilience. Let your teen know that they will better adapt to stress and reduce the toll of emotions like anxiety or depression if they also invest in proper nutrition, ample sleep, hydration, and regular exercise.

Find purpose. Encourage your teen to do something that gives them a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Focus on effort, not outcomes. Whenever they face obstacles or challenges, ask them what they can learn from the experience. Studies show that people often report the most amount of personal growth during a struggle.

Encourage goals. Teach teens how to set and achieve goals. Encourage them to develop realistic goals and do something small regularly that moves them toward the things they want to accomplish. Show them how to break big goals into small, baby steps and celebrate each small step they take.

Final Thoughts…

Becoming more resilient not only helps you get through difficult circumstances, it also empowers you to grow and even improve your life along the way. While none of us want to face adversity in our lives, our attitude about it definitely impacts how much stress and anxiety we experience during the challenge. Our pain can reveal our potential. Help your teen adapt some of the strategies above to build resilience during their struggles and you will be instilling in them a valuable skill for their lifetime.