There has been an uptick in teens posting about difficult experiences, challenging feelings, or emotional topics. For some teens, this is a way to be authentic or raise awareness about something they care about. For others, it can be a cry for help as they struggle with mental health issues. And for some, it can simply be attention-seeking behavior, which has been coined, “sadfishing.” For parents, the problem is knowing how to determine the difference. If you notice your teen is making these types of posts, you should never assume the reasons. You cannot be sure what your child is dealing with without speaking to them. Online posts don’t provide context or nonverbal cues, so it’s vital to speak to them directly. Here are tips for that conversation:

• Ask your teen how they are doing and why they decided to post online about their feelings, and then truly listen to their response without judging them or trying to fix things. You also can offer supportive statements like, “that sounds really hard.”
• Do not minimize what they’re experiencing or compare it to other situations you consider more stressful. Refrain from making statements like, “Get over it,” or “That doesn’t sound that bad.”
• Remind them to think carefully about what information they put online because not everyone will respond in the way that they had hoped.
• Explain the risks of sharing vulnerable posts:
  • Cyberbullying. Many people are not the nicest online, so they may respond negatively to an authentic post. Being made fun of for feeling depressed or anxious can cause an already vulnerable tween or teen to sink further into depression or believe that they don’t matter.
  • Accused of sadfishing. Being accused of sadfishing when they are being honest about their feelings can cause teens to assume no one takes them seriously or that no one cares about what they are going through, which can lead them into deepening depression.
  • Online predators. People who target young people online will look for vulnerable posts and try to make connections with the tween or teen. They use the information shared as a way to build trust and then later look for ways to exploit them.
• Teach your teen how to use social media responsibly, such as etiquette for online interactions, consideration of their digital footprint, and the importance of regularly cleaning up their social media accounts.
• Discuss where and when to make posts online, even emotional posts. Point them to online support groups and other safe spaces where they can be authentic and talk to others about what they’re experiencing. Also, encourage them to use journaling as a more private way to process their feelings.
• Do not take away their smartphones or forbid them from having social media accounts. These actions do not teach your teens how to navigate the online world and will cut them off from their peers.
• If you suspect that posting about a difficult experience or challenging feelings is a way for your teen to be authentic or empowered, suggest healthier ways to share their feelings, such as with an online support group, direct messaging, or connecting with trusted people offline.
• If you suspect that your teenager is simply craving more attention, try to find some healthy ways to satisfy their need. Make a “date” with your teen to spend some time one-on-one doing something they love. Try to eat dinners together as a family or find another way to have a daily check-in with your teen. Encourage them to connect with their friends in person.
• If you suspect your teen is in distress, contact your pediatrician right away or set up an appointment with a mental health professional. Pay attention for any signs of self-harm or substance abuse, which are also indicators of depression. Seek immediate help if your teen seems to be hopeless or makes statements like “Everyone would be better off without me,” “Life is so pointless,” or “I have nothing really to live for or look forward to.”

Final Thoughts…

Social media, smartphones, and other technologies are a vital part of teen lives. Make sure you stay in tune with what your teens are doing online, and use their posts and online experiences as teaching opportunities.