The majority of teens today struggle with poor self-image. Our culture and media are constantly feeding them messages that imply they are not enough – not good-looking enough, not cool enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, etc. Social media, in particular, encourages teens to compare themselves to everyone else’s highlight reel. Inside, many teens wonder if they are valued or capable. That’s why it’s important that parents express belief in their children.

Everyone needs someone in their lives who believes in them and who makes them feel worthy. When parents believe in their teens, it helps them believe in themselves and their abilities. It gives them the confidence to take on challenges and to persevere when things become difficult.

Former First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, once said, “Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.” There are so many negative stereotypes about teenagers, but you shouldn’t assume that your teen will act poorly or experiment with risky behaviors. This can be particularly difficult if your teen has made poor decisions in the past, but it’s important to separate your teen’s behavior from your teen’s identity. Everyone makes mistakes, but almost everyone will try harder when they have someone in their corner who is guiding the way.

We actually end up parenting teens better when we expect our children to do their best in school, be responsible, and prepare for a successful life.

How Can Parents Demonstrate They Believe in Their Teen?

Identify strengths. Your teen was born with natural gifts and talents – make sure you help them identify them! Build up the positive things you see in your child! We all have weaknesses, and most of us are brutal in tearing ourselves down about them. Your child does not need another critic inside their head, so don’t keep pointing out where they could improve or remind them of their failures. Instead, remind them of their successes! Frequently point out how their strengths can help them become successful, overcome obstacles or be a good friend or teammate.

Be curious. One of the best ways to demonstrate that your teen is valuable is by being interested in them and their hobbies. Spend time with your child doing something they like to do. Get involved in their interests and notice how they grow within the activity. Attend their events. Ask them questions about their opinions on all sorts of topics (and listen without judgment).

Avoid labels. Never label your teen a cheater, liar, thief, or other negative names. If your teen is caught lying, cheating, stealing, or engaging in some other risky behavior, let them suffer the natural consequences from their actions and remind them that you believe they will make better choices in the future. It’s important that you identify their bad behavior as a poor choice or experiment rather than as a character flaw.

Reframe mistakes. Teens have a tendency to beat themselves up when they fail. Make sure that you embrace mistakes as a necessary part of learning! Let your teen know that everyone makes mistakes and it’s how we learn fastest. A failure is simply discovering the wrong way to do something so that they are that much closer to discovering the right way – an important step towards ultimate success. A poor choice is only a detour from a path that they can return to at any time.

Encourage healthy risks. Youth can be so afraid of failure that they only take the easy route. Your teen will learn a lot more by failing at something difficult than by succeeding at something easy. So, encourage your teen to try new things or explore something that feels challenging. Praise their efforts and courage over any result they achieve. When we create opportunities for our children to try new things, we demonstrate that we believe they are capable.

Give responsibility. Teens should be contributing to the family in some way. Responsibilities subtly communicate that you believe your teen is capable and an important member of the family unit.

Don’t rescue. If we jump in to fix our teen’s every problem, we are inadvertently communicating to our teen that we don’t think they are capable of handling situations on their own. Rather than fix your teen’s problem, act as a coach or a sounding board to help your teen figure out how they will overcome the challenge. Ask lots of open-ended questions so that they can figure out for themselves a good next step. When your teen is facing a difficulty, try pointing out times in the past that they have handled problems well or mention specific skills or talents your teen has that you think will help them be successful.

Let go of control. We can sometimes be too controlling as we raise our teens. Sometimes that’s because we haven’t learned how to transition from raising a young child who needs help with everything to a teenager who only needs some guidance. Sometimes our desire for our teen to have a happy or successful life is so strong that we want to make it happen for them. Ironically, if we really want our children to become successful in life, we have to let them try things on their own and learn from their failures. In fact, if we are being too controlling, then every time your teen is successful, they will feel a bit like an imposter. They are smart enough to know when they have succeeded on their own or when they have succeeded because their parents did it for them. Not only does your teen need the freedom to fail on their own, they also need the freedom to succeed without having to give you the credit.

Final Thoughts…

Sometimes believing in your child can be hard. You might think they are going to make a mistake, or you might notice how one of their weaknesses is negatively impacting their life. You have to make a decision to believe in your child, no matter what the circumstances might be saying to you. And don’t expect that your teen will jump up and down for joy when you express that belief in them. They will likely shrug it off, roll their eyes, or act otherwise nonchalant, but inside they will feel valued and confident. Even when it’s hard, remember how great it feels to have someone who believes in you, and be that person for your teen. You will end up raising a person who is ready to overcome life’s challenges!