The holidays are upon us, and many teens want to participate in parties or other social celebrations. It can be really hard to know how best to keep teens safe while still allowing them to enjoy time with their peers. With that in mind, here are some tips:

Establish expectations. The most important thing you can do to ensure your teen is safe is to talk about your expectations beforehand. Sit down with your teen and discuss rules that make you feel comfortable and still allow your teen the freedom to engage with their peers. You need to provide leadership, guidance and boundaries to your teens. Even if you think you have already talked about making healthy choices and the risks of drugs or sex, it is very important time repeat this message. Do not be vague. Directly discuss alcohol, drugs, driving impaired, and sex. Ask them how they plan to keep safe and avoid actions they will regret. Reinforce your belief in their character and in their ability to act responsibly.

Research community events. Outdoor community events are plentiful and can be safe alternatives to holiday parties. Check with your nearest visitor’s bureau. Many towns offer a holiday lighting, First Night fireworks, temporary ice skating rinks, and other outdoor activities which are fun and alcohol / drug free. Offer to take your teen and their friends to these safer types of events. Check with your nearest visitor’s bureau. Many museums, skating rinks, bowling alleys, and youth centers hold holiday parties for teens. Many towns offer a First Night celebration or fireworks, so offer to take your teen and their friends.

Host a holiday gathering at your house.  It is not that difficult or expensive to throw a fun teen party and it allows you to monitor the teens so that there is no alcohol, drugs or other risky behaviors. Offer lots of snack foods. Let your teen make a music playlist to play all night and plan party games.  Make sure your TV is tuned in to a holiday movie or the popular “ball drop” shows for the new year. Let your teen decorate the party room. For example, they could string your Christmas lights all over the walls and scatter balloons around the room.

Establish rules. If your teen wants to socialize outside your home, make sure you establish and discuss rules. Examples of rules might include:

• Be home by midnight (or a reasonable curfew time depending on your child’s age and maturity).
• Provide the address of their location, and call or text if the location changes.
• Do not use drugs or drink alcohol.
• If they are at a friend’s house, at least one parent must be present at all times.

Once you have established rules for party-going, lay out the consequences for breaking the rules. Be specific. For example, if they disregard curfew, you will require an earlier curfew for future outings, or if they leave the party without permission, you will take away certain privileges. They should be reasonable consequences that you will be able to enforce.

Discuss possible scenarios. It’s always a good idea to discuss or role play possible scenarios your teen might encounter when out and ways they can handle those situations to keep them safe without embarrassing themselves. For a discussion about handling the peer pressure they may face, please read our previous blog: Helping Teens Be Prepared to Say No.

If they go out, get the details.  Make sure your teen gives you their complete itinerary for the evening, including whom they will be with and where they will be going. Establish a mandatory check-in during the night, such as a text when they arrive at a certain location. Come to a fair decision on a curfew, based upon your teen’s past level of responsibility. Know who is driving. Encourage them to go to a specific location and stay put to avoid drunk drivers on the roads. Give your teen the unconditional option of calling you at any time for help or advice. That includes picking them up at any time of day or night, with a promise not to shame or humiliate them in front of others.

Role model. Your teen mimics what they see. If your child sees you celebrating the holidays by getting drunk, then they will assume that is the “right” way to celebrate regardless of what you say. If your child ever sees you drink alcohol somewhere and then get in the car to drive home, then they will assume that it’s ok to drink and drive regardless of what you say. Actions truly do speak louder than words.

Final Thoughts…

Socializing is an important part of teen development, and there are ways for them to enjoy their time with friends and still be safe. You just need to provide leadership, guidance and boundaries to your teens. Even if you think you have already talked about making healthy choices it’s very important to repeat this message. Be specific about your concerns. Directly discuss the drugs, drunk driving, and sex. Ask them how they plan to keep safe and avoid actions they will regret. Surveys show that one of the top reasons teens say they choose to make responsible choices on a wide range of risky behaviors is because they don’t want to disappoint their parents. That’s why it’s important that you take the time to talk about the potential risks your teen may encounter and be very clear about the family rules before your teen attends any gathering. Reinforce your belief in their character and in their ability to act responsibly.