Although the media often portrays the holidays as a happy season, the majority of Americans are completely stressed! In fact, in a 2023 poll by the American Psychological Association, 89% of respondents said that concerns – such as not having enough money, missing loved ones and anticipating family conflict – caused them additional stress during the holidays. And if the average person is completely stressed, imagine how dangerous this time of year can be for those who suffer from mental health and addiction issues. Stress is a trigger that frequently intensifies these types of problems.

If you have a teenager who is troubled, depressed, or struggling with substance abuse or some other mental health issue, be aware that the holidays will be a difficult time for them. Do not judge their struggles or make them feel guilty for “bringing down” the holidays for others, which will only make the pressure and stress worse. Instead, work to understand the reasons why the holidays might increase your teen’s stress and then use the suggestions below to help your teen find ways to manage the additional stress.

Reasons for Heightened Stress During Holidays

• Disrupted routines
• Grief due to death, divorce, new moves, or estranged relationships
• Financial pressure
• Complicated family relationships and/or difficult extended family
• Relationship conflicts
• Increased social obligations and/or overscheduled holiday events
• Pressure to find perfect gifts for loved ones
• Increased presence of alcohol

Positive Ways to Manage Holiday Stress

Individuals that struggle with mental health or substance use must be aware of their stressors, set boundaries, and develop a plan for self-care to manage their mental well-being during this time. Here are some tips:

Maintain routines. While the holidays are bound to disrupt everyone’s schedule, do your best to maintain some basic routines to keep daily living predictable.

Ask your teen for input. All teens, whether struggling or not, are much more likely to welcome and appreciate plans that they developed themselves than plans that are dictated to them. Ask your teen for ideas about how the family can spend time together, what holiday activities they would like to do, and which traditions are important to them. Just because you know your teen well doesn’t mean that you can always anticipate them – you may be surprised by his or her answers.

Avoid triggers.  Be aware of what causes stress or a desire to use substances, such as certain environments or people, and try to limit exposure. For example:

• Fight boredom.  Time off from school with nothing to do increases the chance your teen will engage in risky behaviors. Studies show that substance abuse increases when teens have too much free time on their hands. Make structured holiday plans (with their input!) such as fun family outings, baking holiday treats, or wrapping presents.
• Steer clear of parties. The holidays offer a multitude of party options. Many of these parties will offer alcohol, risky behaviors, or the opportunity to spend time with old friends who have bad habits. If you have a teen with mental health or substance abuse issues, suggest fun alternatives. Have them invite a friend to go ice skating the same night as the big party or host a sleepover for New Year’s Eve.
• Sidestep drama. Anticipate the emotionally taxing elements of the holidays for your teen and do your best to avoid or minimize them. If you know that a certain relative always creates family drama, choose to not see them this year. If there was a death in the family, talk to your teen about how they would like to handle past traditions and/or honor their loved one.

Set realistic expectations. As you are making your holiday plans, you need to consider your teen’s struggles and challenges and be realistic about how to make the festivities as successful as possible. Your defiant teenager is not going to act better when relatives visit; in fact, they may be worse. Your depressed teen won’t suddenly feel happy during the holidays. Your teenage alcoholic is not able to watch others enjoy a little spiked eggnog. You must alter your holiday plans to minimize family stress and increase your odds for success. Let go of the pressure to meet unrealistic standards and instead focus on what matters most: quality time, connection, and self-care.

Focus on the positive. Undoubtedly, any family that has faced mental health or substance abuse issues is likely to focus on a troubled teen’s problems and bad behaviors. This can get worse when you are spending more time together over the holidays. Instead, choose to look for good things that make you feel grateful. We are not recommending that you overlook the problems or turn a blind eye, but rather that you ALSO look for desirable behavior and offer praise to your teen whenever you can. Having an attitude of gratitude can change the entire tone of a family’s dynamics.

Prioritize self-care. Maintaining your family’s physical health during the holidays is crucial. Regular exercise, proper sleep, and eating nourishing foods can all help keep everyone’s mood stable and energy levels high. Encourage everyone to get outside every day. Even brief exposure to natural light can help regulate mood and circadian rhythms. Avoid overindulging in alcohol or comfort foods, which can worsen feelings of depression or anxiety. Make a plan with your teen to make time for activities that support their mental health, such as yoga, creative expression, breathing exercises, journaling, or spending time with a supportive person.

Final thoughts…

Families of teens and young adults facing mental health and addiction issues must remain vigilant around the holidays. But, with a little understanding and planning, the holidays can still be one of the most joyous times of year. They certainly offer the opportunity for parents to spend more quality time with their children, build trust, and create a new vision for how to celebrate each other.