If you haven’t already, please read last week’s blog article first where we explained what “redpilled” means and why it happens. In this week’s blog, we will be explaining the signs to look for and what you should do if your teen son has been “redpilled.”

Signs Your Son Has Been Redpilled

No parent can monitor their child’s online behavior all the time, and redpill content is very prevalent on the Internet. For example, the eSafety Commission found that YouTube’s algorithm recommends a popular redpill influencer, Andrew Tate, to users without any previous watch history, making it easily accessible to young audiences. Although many of the videos promote toxic masculinity and violence against women, they were not age-restricted or demonetized. So, it’s not your son’s fault, nor is it your fault, if they have come across these concepts.

Here are some red flags that your child may be exploring redpill culture:

Their vocabulary changes. Shifts in language are usually the first signs your son may be ascribing to red pill ideology. Listen for terms like “alpha” or “beta” males, “Incel,” or “high value men” or “low value women.”

Their attitude on status and/or gender roles shifts. Dismissive or critical language about women or girls is a key sign, as well as an increased focus on status. Pay attention to how they talk about power, dating, and/or feminism. They might make generalized statements such as all women are gold diggers or all women are supposed to be mothers.

They become resistant to emotional expression. You might hear your son say it’s never okay for a man to cry. Redpill communities portray emotional suppression as a sign of masculine strength and self-control and vulnerability as a sign of weakness.

They become more secretive. You also may notice your son becoming more secretive around internet use. They might be more sarcastic, defiant, defensive, or even argumentative if you ask about what they are watching or reading. Often they become more isolated and increase the amount of time they spend online.

They exhibit behavior changes. Parents should always be aware of behaviors that could point to mental health struggles, such as more time alone with a device, mood changes and poor grades in school. These can be a sign of many possible problems and should not just be ignored.

How Parents Should Respond

If you suspect that your son has been redpilled, try these strategies.

Teach emotional literacy. The less emotionally literate a boy is, the more vulnerable he becomes to radicalization, so it’s important to talk about emotions often. It can be very difficult for an adolescent to work out what they’re feeling when they are very upset so try labeling emotions so that they can identify what they feel. For example, if your teen does poorly on a test, they might be feeling disappointed, but what they may actually say is that their teacher is terrible or that they are too busy and stressed to study. Discuss the temptation you may have felt to blame other people or put others down when you have felt bad, but that you used healthy coping strategies (such as exercise, a creative outlet, deep breathing, etc) to deal with the situation instead. Help your kids identify what triggers their emotions and teach them how to self-regulate.

Act curious. The goal is to communicate with your son without starting an argument or freaking out. Ask what creators, platforms, and types of content they are watching or reading online. Although it can be very difficult, let them share their opinion without giving them yours. Simply try to understand their viewpoint no matter how much you disagree. Remember that the redpill community is satisfying an emotional need. If you can understand the root cause, then you can validate that feeling rather than validating the inaccurate information. Once you have understood your son, you can use curiosity to encourage them to engage in critical thinking.

Lean in to critical thinking. When discussing redpill messaging, engage in a conversation that allows your son to consider evidence. Ask questions that might lead them to the truth, but be sure to treat them with respect so they don’t feel attacked or dismissed, even if you find their views upsetting. For example, you might ask:

• Do you think these messages and opinions apply to all women?
• Which women in your life do you consider a gold digger (or manipulative, etc)?
• How do these messages make you feel about yourself? About the women in your family?
• What about this message felt true to you?
• How do you think these types of beliefs could help people? How could they harm people?
• What do you think the creator of this message (or video) wanted you to believe?
• Do you think that any of these influencers have their own agenda?
• Do you think these influencers know what they’re talking about? Do they have functional relationships?

Offer other role models. Boys are hungry for examples of strength, leadership, and purpose, so fill that void with influencers and leaders that demonstrate real strength. Find media platforms that showcase critical thinking and integrity. Introduce them to content creators, books, shows, or podcasts that display healthier ways to be strong, kind, and confident. Try to connect them will positive male mentors in your community such as coaches, teachers, or family members. They need to see that there’s more than one way to “be a man.”

Offer connection. Loneliness and isolation drive the Manosphere, so combat it with positive relationships. Encourage in-person friendships and group activities and schedule consistent family time. Kids listen to people they feel safe with, so even if they act like they think you’re annoying, a parent’s steady presence makes a big difference.

Final Thoughts…

What your son sees online shapes his beliefs about power, masculinity, and relationships. To combat inappropriate messaging, parents should identify the emotional needs that red pill ideology fulfills for their son and offer healthier alternatives while building trust and critical thinking. The best approach to talking to kids about controversial internet content is to ask curious questions regarding: 1) how they feel about what they’ve seen, and 2) how trustworthy the source of the content is.

If you become concerned that your son is struggling, such as experiencing depression or anxiety, or has threatened to harm themselves or others, it’s very important to seek the help of a mental health professional immediately. Your pediatrician can likely make a recommendation.