Household chores are a perfect way to teach youth responsibility and communicate that everyone in a household is expected to chip in to help the family. We cannot raise teens to become competent adults if we are always doing everything for them. Instead, we must equip them with the skills they need to take care of themselves and contribute to society.

Despite these benefits, anyone with a teen knows that chores can be a major source of contention in many families. Whether your teenager always promises to do the chore later or they flat out refuse to do it at all, getting young people motivated to help around the house can be a real challenge. As a result, many parents slip into the habit of nagging.

Nagging is a way of finding fault, and it tends to wear people down instead of build them up. Home should be the primary place where youth get positive reinforcement and non-confrontational support, so we don’t want to focus on the negative. Nagging doesn’t work, demotivates, and creates resentment. As a result, teens tune it out. There is another way!

Here are several tips for parents to get their teens to do chores without nagging:

Assign Chores Ahead of Time

Avoid asking teens to do a chore spontaneously. These types of requests are met with resistance. Instead, assign regular chores that you expect your teen to complete routinely, such as taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher or cleaning their bedroom. With adolescents, it’s always best to make your expectations clear ahead of time!

Set Up for Success

Once a chore is assigned, make sure you clearly explain your teen’s tasks, set a timeline for completion, and establish a consequence if the chore is not done.

Offer Some Flexibility

Allow your teen freedom in choosing how and when to perform their chores. While you should explain your expectations, your teen should have flexibility in completing the task. Avoid micromanaging how they approach their chore and don’t nag them that the deadline for completing the chore is looming.

Establish Clear Consequences

Make it known ahead of time what will happen if your teenager doesn’t do their chores. Whether it’s taking away the car keys or revoking their curfew, make sure your teen knows it’s up to them to decide their fate. If they choose not to do their chores, follow through with the consequences without giving them any reminders. Avoid lecturing or shaming them, but instead make it clear that they can choose to do their chores in the future if they want to retain their privileges.

To Pay or Not To Pay

Families approach chores differently – some parents pay an allowance for all chores, while others think kids should not be paid at all. What motivates one teen won’t motivate another, so parents need to make decisions about payment based on their individual situation and their teen’s personality. However, one compromise can be making routine chores unpaid (such as doing the dishes or cleaning their room), but paying your teen for extra chores that you might otherwise hire someone to do, such as babysitting younger siblings, mowing the grass, or raking the lawn.

Combat Sabotage

Teens are clever, and some mischievous youth will purposely do a horrible job at an assigned chore in the hopes you will get frustrated and do the chore yourself instead. If you suspect your teen is sabotaging their household chores on purpose, you will need to be persistent. If your teen fails a task, ask them (calmly) to do it over again until they demonstrate basic competence. Do not return their privileges until you feel they have performed a decent job. “I’ll just hold on to your phone until you figure out how to do this. You’ll get there!” If your teen deliberately causes damage, then they should be expected to compensate the family for it. Don’t get angry, yell or nag, just simply expect better. Stay calm, but make sure your teen’s sabotage is not rewarded.

Praise Success

Express appreciation when your teen completes a chore. While it might feel like you shouldn’t have to praise an expected responsibility, you will get a lot more cooperation if you praise them for their efforts.

Final Thoughts…

Avoid nagging teenagers whenever possible, as it rarely works. Instead, state the rules clearly and give consequences. This actually gives your teen some control, because in effect, you’re saying, “It’s up to you. If you don’t do your homework tonight, there will be the consequence of no TV.” Let them make their own choices and then live with the consequences. Additionally, it’s important to focus on the positive — in other words, catch your teen being good. You may be surprised at the results you get from making these two small changes.