When a child exhibits unwanted behavior – whether it’s rebellion, substance abuse, aggression, self-harm, or falling grades – parenting can feel overwhelming. It’s very common for parents to feel stressed, anxious, and exhausted when dealing with a difficult teen. You might find yourself consumed with worry and tracking your teen’s every movement and mood.
If that’s you, it’s important to understand that an important part of the solution is your own self-care. While this might sound basic and unhelpful, experts note that self-care helps you feel better personally, improves your ability to problem solve, and role models positive coping skills to your children.
The Toll of Raising a Difficult Teen
When faced with a child’s negative behaviors, many parents and caregivers can think only about what to do to make the behavior stop. This is a very understandable and normal reaction! The problem is that if you only try to address the behavior without caring for yourself, you will quickly develop burnout and damage your own well-being. Additionally, when we are feeling depleted from the struggle, it’s easy to react and make snap decisions, rather than taking the time to think through the situation at hand.
When dealing with a difficult teen, parents tend to feel fear, anger, resentment, guilt and shame. Some parents start to withdraw from family and friends to avoid conversations about their child. Others become consumed with anxious thought patterns, going over “what if” nightmares relentlessly. Many parents develop tension headaches, insomnia and stomach upsets. The situation saps emotional and physical energy, often leaving parents feeling helpless and hopeless.
The Remedy is Self-Care
Undoubtedly, you are thinking, “You want me to do something enjoyable for myself when my world is crumbling around me?!” Absolutely! Self-care means taking the time to make sure you are at your best. Experts recommend self-care when dealing with stressful situations for several reasons. Self-care offers these important benefits:
- feel better, in general
- sleep better
- develop more resiliency
- increase positive emotions like joy, gratitude, hope and serenity
- find more meaning and purpose in life
- make better decisions
- reduce physical symptoms, such as fewer headaches or body pains
- increase positive relations with others
- improve effectiveness at work / activities
- exercise better judgment and problem-solving
- model healthy behavior and coping skills for your child
It is not selfish to take care of ourselves. In fact, self-care benefits everyone around us, especially your teen who is struggling. If you don’t believe it, just try doing some self-care for a few minutes every day for one week and observe the results. You hardly have anything to lose with such a small and easy experiment.
Self-Care Techniques for Parents
Self-care involves doing activities that benefit your physical and mental health. Self-care activities include physical movement, relaxation, taking time for fun, or attending to your personal health. Here are some ideas:
- Exercise. All physical movement – whether it’s lifting weights, taking a walk, dancing, or playing sports – releases endorphins that can help reduce stress and manage depression. Physical activities can burn off anxiety and restore calm to your body.
- Health. No one is able to be at their best when they are not taking care of their body’s basic needs. Prioritize your physical health. Choose healthy foods. Aim for getting 7–9 hours of sleep per night to feel well-rested. If you have trouble falling asleep, create a relaxing bedtime routine, such as reading or listening to calming music or a sleep app.
- Nature. Spend time outside, such as in forests, mountains, or oceans. Actively observe details around you such as intricate flowers or towering trees. Take a moment to witness natural events such as sunrises, sunsets, or starry skies. Engage in activities that immerse you in nature such as picnics, hiking or kayaking.
- Gratitude. List 3-5 things for which you are thankful. This practice helps you shift your perspective away from what’s lacking in your life to what good things you have.
- Mindfulness. Any activity that is relaxing and helps you to focus on the present is a wonderful way to improve your mental health, such as deep breathing, meditation, stretching, or yoga.
- Journaling. Writing down your thoughts can help you relieve stress and externalize painful emotions.
- Relationships. Spending time with people you love, such as a spouse or good friends, is vitally important to your mental well-being, will lift your spirits, and will help distract you from your anxious thoughts. Socializing is an important aspect of your mental health. You need to have moments away from your child and difficult circumstances in order to gain perspective and find ways to enjoy life.
- Relaxation. Schedule time to do something very relaxing for yourself. That looks different for everyone, but it could include getting a massage or pedicure, taking a long bath, reading a book, or treating yourself at a coffee shop.
- Fun. Schedule moments of fun! Spend time engaging in a favorite hobby. Take 10 minutes to work on a puzzle. Pick up a new activity such as painting. Take a day trip. Think about things you loved doing as a child and try them again.
- Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. It relieves tension and provides joy. Watch a funny movie, comedy shows, or silly TikToks. Learn a new joke. Prioritizing humor in your life can reduce your stress levels.
- Boundaries. Self-care can also mean setting boundaries with your child (or in any relationship). If you frequently feel resentful or infringed upon, it’s usually a signal that you aren’t standing up for yourself. It’s okay to say “no” when you are feeling exhausted.
Final Thoughts…
While it may seem difficult, try infusing your life with something positive on a daily basis. Even it’s very small, take some time to nourish yourself. When you prioritize self-care, you feel better, which leads to better decision making, improved problem solving and calmer reactions to stress. Self-care is not just a gift to yourself, but also to your child and everyone who interacts with you.