The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat! Regardless of whether you are a spectator or a participant, sports evoke strong emotions in us that are easy to get caught up in. It is no easy task to be a parent of a young athlete. Hard enough are the tasks of helping your child learn how to handle the ups and downs of competition, but perhaps more challenging are developing your own coping skills – learning how to manage your emotions that are repeatedly tested under trying conditions. It can be difficult to avoid projecting your own wishes for your child – hopes of success, fame, and recognition.
It’s important that we, as parents, remember that in sports, and in all of life really, there are going to be both successes and failures for our children. So as your teen engages in sports, the best thing a parent can do is encourage them to focus on good teamwork, improving their ability and confidence, giving their best effort, and enjoying the experience.
Gathered from coaches and child psychologists, below are our top tips for how to be the BEST sports parent:
Show Support
To play a sport, your child needs your financial, logistical and emotional support. You should make sure that you understand the financial and time commitment required and discuss the pros and cons as a family before your child signs up. If everyone agrees to the commitment, then it’s important that emotional support follows. Being supportive means:
- Avoiding complaints about the financial or time commitments required, as they were known and accepted beforehand.
- Attending games / competitions. (It’s okay to miss a couple if there’s a compelling reason, but in general parents should plan on attending all competitions. You should not attend practices.)
- Volunteering as needed by the coach / team.
- Staying calm when things go wrong.
- Cheering, clapping, and encouraging the entire team regardless of the results they achieve.
- Praising your child’s effort. (Always compliment your teen’s hard work and avoid comments on their results or specific plays.)
- Conveying a love of the game. Focus on the fun of the sport, not the victory or defeat. Keep the perspective that this is just a game, and it’s supposed to be enjoyable.
Follow your Child’s Lead
Do not push your favorite sport, your dreams, or your advice onto your child. Let your teen pick their own sport, create their own goals (even if you don’t agree with them), and obtain advice from their coach and teammates. This can help them become better decision makers and prevent power struggles between the two of you later on.
Support the Coach
If you don’t respect a coach’s authority or appreciate their good intentions, then your teen won’t either. Coaches – who are paid little to nothing – invest many, many hours of preparation beyond the hours spent at practices and games. They deserve respect. How you treat the coach carries over to your teen without question, so be supportive.
Be Informed
Become interested and engaged in your child’s sport. Let them become your teacher by asking lots of open-ended questions. Read up on the sport and talk to other parents at the competitions to better understand rules, equipment, team members, strategy, and other basics of the sport. Becoming knowledgeable about your child’s interests communicates love and support to them, and allows you to follow the action at competitions better.
Be Realistic
Not every youth sports athlete can be the best on the team or win a college scholarship. Being supportive does not mean being unrealistic. Expectations that go way overboard can put too much pressure on your child. Rest assured that, regardless of how well your child plays the sport, they are still gaining a great deal from their participation, such as resilience, communication and teamwork skills, and responsibility.
Avoid These Common Mistakes
Even the most well-intentioned parent can make some common mistakes with their young athlete. Here are the top mistakes that experts tell parents to avoid:
- Do not attend practice. Unless your child’s coach has requested parents to stay, it’s important to allow the athletes to experiment without spectators. Sports practice is the opportunity for youth to test out their skills without feeling like they are being watched. They should be taking risks and making mistakes. Making mistakes is part of the learning and development process and will ultimately make them a better player.
- Do not criticize your child (even if you think it’s constructive). When things do go wrong at a competition – whether it’s bad luck, a bad call, or a bad play – your role is to help your child deal with the disappointment. Do not give them any commentary about what they did right or wrong. Most young athletes typically know exactly how they did in the game both individually and as a team. Let the coaches provide post-game feedback, and you can provide encouragement – “I could see how hard you and the team worked! Way to hustle!”
- Do not criticize the coach (even if you think they were wrong). When parents share their disapproval of a coach, the youth either feels unhappy with the coach and starts grumbling at practices or feels torn between two important adults in their life. None of these situations help a teen do their best. If you think your child’s coach is not handling a situation well, schedule a meeting with the coach in which you can talk with them about it privately and after your emotions have had a chance to calm down.
- Do not offer advice (and especially do not yell instructions from the sidelines). Your child already has a coach. Even if you played this sport and understand it very well, your tips may conflict with what the coach is teaching, which confuses your child. Your child won’t know if they should make you angry by doing what the coach wants or make the coach angry by doing what you want. It’s a terrible situation to put a child in.
- Do not complain about the referee, opponents, or your child’s teammates. Regardless of what you think internally, role model good sportsmanship. Good sportsmanship takes maturity and courage. When a team loses – and every team does occasionally lose – players with good sportsmanship do not blame the officials, accuse their opponents of unfairness, or berate a team member for a mistake. When a team wins, they do not gloat, brag loudly about their success, or humiliate their opponents.
- Do not offer rewards tied to results, such as ‘I’ll give you $20 if you score today’ or ‘you get ice cream after the game if you take 5 shots.’ While you might think you are just motivating your child, you are in fact creating performance pressure and anxiety. Rewards get into a young athlete’s head that they have to achieve the exact goal you set or anything else will be a failure. They focus only on that goal and generally play poorly overall.
- Do not compare your child to other athletes – especially siblings, teammates or opponents – to evaluate your child’s progress. Every child matures differently and the process of comparing can be inaccurate, discouraging, and hurtful.
Be Respectful
Be respectful of your child, their teammates, coach, opponents, the officials, other spectators, and the game itself, including its rules and traditions. Talk politely and act courteously toward everyone before, during, and after games and events. Demonstrating a respectful attitude will truly make you the best sports parent!
Final Thoughts…
Being a good sports parent requires discipline. Sporting events can evoke a lot of strong emotions, and learning to keep a level head in the midst of those emotions is not an easy task, but all of the kids are watching the adults. Make them proud, not embarrassed. If coaches and parents work together to create a positive atmosphere for the youth, you will be helping to create great memories, positive self-esteem, and strong athletic abilities for your child.