Good decision-making skills are essential for navigating life’s opportunities and challenges. While developing these skills does not prevent any of us from making mistakes, it does allow us to assess options, weigh consequences, make informed choices, and develop resilience in the face of uncertainty. As a result, teaching teens decision-making skills is essential as they transition from childhood to adulthood. We have a seven-step decision-making process that you can teach your teen to use whenever they face a choice.
Unfortunately, decision-making isn’t something that’s learned in a book or a video. The only way to develop this skill is through practice. The more a child practices making their own choices, the more confident and skilled they will become at making positive decisions. It is a parent’s role to slowly hand over control and decision-making to their child in an age-appropriate manner so that they gain more and more practice in safe spaces. That way, when your child turns 18, they will have the experience and confidence to make responsible choices as an adult.
As a parent, it can be really difficult to hand over decision-making to a teen whose brain has not fully developed! Teens can make decisions that we do not agree with, seem too risky, were clearly not well thought out, might hurt them, or aren’t in alignment with our values. As a result, many well-meaning parents take control of the decisions – they want their teen to be happy, healthy, and successful. Unfortunately, by robbing teens of the opportunity to practice making their own choices, we create youth who are anxious, uncertain, irresponsible, unhappy, and set up for failure. This does NOT mean that teens should make ALL decisions pertaining to their lives, but it does mean that parents need to let them make an increasing proportion of decisions as they get older.
Parents will need to decide for themselves what choices teens can and should be making on their own. For example, even a thirteen-year-old should be deciding for themselves what clothes they will wear, what extracurricular activities they will participate in, and how they will style their hair. Will some of their choices annoy you? Yes, but they are safe choices that give your child needed autonomy and practice. More complicated decisions for older teens that parents should make are curfews, driving, and party attendance.
From the time a parent begins to hand over the decision-making reins to their child, it’s important that they stay involved in the decision-making process at first. Rather than making decisions for their teens and tweens, they should walk with their teen through the decision-making process described below. With repetition, this process will become automatic for your child, allowing them to properly evaluate any choice they encounter. Parents can begin walking their tweens through this process with simple decisions. Over time, they can relinquish those decisions to their child and begin walking their teens through this process for more difficult choices. For example, a parent might walk their 11-year-old through this decision-making process to determine which sport to play, but a parent of a 17-year-old should no longer need to be involved in those types of decisions and is instead walking them through the decision-making process to determine their path after high school graduation.
Process to Teach Teens Good Decision-Making Skills
- Name the Decision: The first step is teaching teens to pause and clearly identify the decision they’re facing. This pause breaks the cycle of automatic or emotional reactions and gives space for clear thinking. During this stage, teens should ask themselves what is the specific decision that needs to be made, who else is involved in this decision, and what makes this choice hard right now?
- Gather Information: Teach teens to gather relevant information before making any choices. They should research, seek advice, and consider different perspectives.
- Develop Options: Once your teen has identified the decision and gathered information to help make the decision, it’s time they brainstorm ideas for possible solutions. They should think up as many ideas as possible without judgment. Teach teens to always add “Inaction” as one of their options in every decision. Teens often believe that avoiding action – or simply not making a decision – is the safest or easiest route, but they will usually see in the next step that inaction also has consequences.
- Consider Consequences: Once your teen has a list of potential solutions (including inaction), they should consider the potential outcomes of each. Make a pros and cons list. Teach your teen to evaluate both short-term and long-term consequences for every possible option. They might want to ask themselves: what could go right, what could go wrong, and what would their future self say about this option.
- Evaluate: Help teens evaluate their options and make a thoughtful choice. Encourage them to think not just about what feels good or is easiest, but what aligns with who they want to be. For example, they might want to ask which choice matches their values or gets them closer to their goals and what would they advise their friend to do in a similar situation.
- Execute: Once they have made their decision, congratulate them! Then encourage them to create a plan for execution. They need to break down complex decisions into smaller, manageable steps with deadlines. They also need to determine a time to evaluate the results of their choice.
- Reflect: The final step is often skipped—but it’s where the real growth happens. After implementing their decision, teens should reflect on the outcome: What worked? What didn’t? What would they do differently next time? Let your teen know that mistakes are simply opportunities for growth. We can use information from our past decisions – regardless of whether they are successes or mistakes – to make better choices in the future.
Final Thoughts…
During adolescence, youth encounter more complex situations, ranging from academic decisions to social interactions to future career paths, but they need experience to consider all of the consequences of their choices. If parents, teachers and other adults interacting with youth can teach positive skills for making good decisions, we set teens up to build critical thinking, develop responsibility, gain confidence, foster independence, improve their mental health, and prepare them for the challenges of life. Use the decision-making framework detailed above to walk youth through their choices and give them many opportunities for practicing. Shaping teens’ ability to wisely make decisions is a critical way we can guide them to be healthy and safe today, and successful tomorrow.