Traditional romantic relationships among high school students are not very common nowadays. Today’s youth are opting for a no-label, low-commitment, casual, but often emotionally stressful arrangement called a “situationship.” While people’s definitions of situationships vary quite a bit, it typically refers to a romantic or sexual relationship that doesn’t have a label because it’s not a committed relationship. In fact, many teens say they don’t feel ready for more commitment. After getting to know someone, they seem to transition into a vague dynamic where the two people hang out, text, and engage in intimate relations without discussing what the relationship means to either of them. There’s no pressure to commit, but there’s also no promise to be monogamous.
It’s important to remember that just because your teen’s relationships don’t look like ones you’ve had doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. Every generation explores relationships in different ways. As long as your teen is feeling positive with the arrangement and isn’t hurting anyone else, there’s nothing inherently wrong with a situationship.
Potential Pitfalls with Situationships
The problems that seem to occur most commonly with situationships are:
- Uncertainty because relationship is not defined and there are no established expectations
- Inequality in feelings between the two people
- Anxiety over what their partner’s behavior means
- Jealousy because a situationship is not exclusive
What Parents Should Do if their Teen is in a Situationship
Throughout a child’s life, adults should talk about and model healthy relationship skills, which are:
- Respect: showing consideration for each other’s feelings, individuality, boundaries, and well-being.
- Honesty: communicating and acting in clear, upfront, truthful ways.
- Supportive: celebrating each other’s accomplishments and successes and encouraging each other’s interests or goals.
- Communication: sharing your thoughts and also creating a safe environment for your partner to share their thoughts with you.
- Equality: having equal say in the relationship, without fear of negative consequences.
- Anger Management: dealing with uncomfortable emotions in positive, non-violent ways.
- Compromise: turning conflict into “win-win” situations in which each partner gets some of what he or she wants.
- Assertiveness: asking for what one wants clearly and respectfully, without threats, intimidation, or physical force.
If you notice that your teen seems to be in a relationship of some sort, have an open-minded conversation with them. Ask them what type of relationship they have with this specific person. If your teen says they are in a “situationship,” then ask what that means to them and how they feel about it. Listen without making judgments, interrupting, or lecturing. The key is to establish open communication. You don’t need to know every detail about your teen’s relationship in order to be supportive. What matters most is building a relationship where they want to talk to you when things feel confusing, exciting, or even uncomfortable.
Unless you have reason to believe your child is unsafe or being abused, do not comment on their situationship. Let them take control of all of their relationships without your input. However, you can ask questions that might help them come to their own conclusions. For example, you might ask them what they want out of a romantic relationship, what they like most about their partner, what makes them feel good in their situationship, and what has been challenging about their situationship.
Final Thoughts…
Keep showing up with love and consistency that communicates trust and safety. Remind yourself that your goal isn’t to control your teen’s relationships or experiences. Your goal is to support your teen as they experience different aspects of being human so that they are prepared for a responsible and successful adulthood.