Recent studies and research have demonstrated that too much screen time has a negative impact on our youth. Unfortunately, with over 95% of teenagers having a smartphone, screens are simply part of their daily lives. Even more disheartening, technology platforms are specifically designed by companies to maximize the amount of time we spend on them; in other words, they are intentionally addictive.
The good news is that there are ways for parents to encourage a healthier tech balance in their families. Doctors and researchers have studied this issue and learned what works in changing behavior. It is possible to create better boundaries around screens in productive ways that do not alienate your kids. Here are the experts’ recommendations:
1. Have a family meeting about technology
Call a family meeting, and tell your children that you would like to hear their thoughts about the family’s tech use. Make sure you’re open to hearing feedback, including about your own tech use.
Parents did not have social media, artificial intelligence, or Internet access when they were teenagers. We likely cannot imagine what the experience is like, so it’s important to ask about our teen’s online life rather than making assumptions and/or launching into lectures or rule-making. Seek first to understand. Ask your children open-ended questions, such as:
- Where do you like to spend time online?
- What need does your favorite app or game fulfill?
- What real-world activities do you value, and does tech ever get in the way?
- What is going really well in your online life?
- Is there an area where you could use my help?
- Do you ever feel like tech interferes with your sleep? With your relationships?
- Do you wish that I used technology differently?
- Do you take any measures to tame your own screen time? Do you think more measures would be helpful?
During these conversations, it’s important to recognize that screens aren’t always the enemy. While parents might be concerned about mental health and exploitation, there are also constructive uses for technology in our teens’ lives, including finding community online, learning about new interests and exploring identity. Approaching a tech reset in the family with an empathetic attitude of trying to understand where your teen is thriving online and where they are struggling will be much more effective than simply banning certain uses, setting up parental controls or limiting screen time.
The most effective approach is to listen closely – with curiosity – to what your kids say about their online experiences, without judgment or interruption, and make rebalancing a project for the whole family.
2. Conduct ‘experiments’
Once everyone in the family has shared their point of view on technology, it’s time to create an action plan to address areas of concern. This does not mean that parents should just establish rules. Focus on the areas that everyone identified as possible problems, and as a family, brainstorm some ways to address those problem areas. You will get much more cooperation if you work on this together, everyone has some say, and you call the new ideas “experiments” instead of rules.
The focus should not just be reducing screen time, but replacing that time with something you would like more of, such as sleep, family adventures or pursuing a hobby. If you only cut screen time, the teens will quickly announce they are bored and lose interest in making improvements.
Ideas from the experts include:
- Establish a specific time of day where everyone in the family commits to being unplugged. For example, prohibit phones at the dinner table and prioritize having a conversation about current events. Or play a board game on Sunday afternoons. Go for a walk as a family after dinner. Watch a movie together.
- Have a family activity two or three times each month where phones are not invited. The key is to choose an activity that everyone is excited about, such as an escape room, getting ice cream, going for a hike, etc.
- No devices in or by the bed at night, so it’s easier to sleep. Instead, charge them overnight in a common space in the home.
- No devices while driving, ever.
Before you start, pick a date on the calendar to agree to all get back together and talk about how the experiments impacted everyone’s feelings and mood.
3. Agree on rules
When you get back together to discuss the family’s experiments, decide together which ones worked and turn them into rules that everyone agrees on. Parents must follow these rules, too! It’s a family action plan, and parents are the leaders and role models. If your kids see you answering texts while they are trying to tell you about their day or sending out a quick text while driving, they will not be present or engaged in the action plan or in trying to make any changes to their tech use.
If not all the experiments worked, or if there’s still problem areas that the experiments didn’t improve, revisit step 1 above to brainstorm some new experiments to try with another family check-in soon.
4. Teach teens to use social media settings to their benefit
Teens might not realize that they can change settings to protect themselves in a wide range of ways such as their safety, privacy, or even the content they receive. Take time to research and review these settings together so that their technology is working for them. For example, you can turn off “stitch” or “remix” on TikTok and Instagram so that strangers can’t boost their videos to new audiences. Also let your teen know that they do not have to passively accept the content that the social media algorithms give. Many platforms offer built-in tools to modify your content. You can unfollow or mute people or accounts that are making you feel frustrated, angry or inadequate, or mute hashtags on Instagram and Twitter that present topics or issues that trigger negative thoughts. You can also add more positive content by following people and hashtags that have encouraging messages. Tell teens to pay attention to how they feel as they scroll through their feeds. If they notice that they always feel bad about themselves when they see a certain type of post, they should unfollow or mute those topics or people. Encourage your teen to use social media to connect with people who inspire them, share similar interests, or provide a sense of belonging.
Final Thoughts…
Striking the right balance in using technology is not easy for anyone – parents or teens! But, you can navigate this new world as a team and become a stronger family as a result. In addition, using this collaborative approach not only encourages your teen’s participation, it also teaches them valuable skills in problem-solving, conflict resolution, and negotiation.