Experts believe that extracurricular activities are very important to a youth’s development and offer many benefits to teens. (You can learn more about the benefits in our previous blog.) However, not every teen is excited to engage in extracurriculars. If your child is resistant to participating in activities, should you force them?
The short answer is no. Teens are never happy or open to being forced to do anything. Forcing isn’t a good way to get cooperation, particularly with teens who are trying to become more independent.
The longer answer is that it really depends on your teen’s motivation. It’s important to understand why your teen doesn’t want to participate in an extracurricular and consider whether it’s a challenge to overcome or a good reason to let that battle go. For example, if your teen doesn’t want to do extracurriculars because they want to watch YouTube for 5 hours straight every day, you should really address the amount of time your teen is in front of a screen first. But if your teen has a challenging academic schedule and is already busy outside of school, they might just need a break or some downtime.
Let’s explore some of the reasons a teen might not want to participate in extracurriculars and how you might handle each situation.
- Not interested in “classic” activities. Your teen might be saying they don’t want to participate in extracurriculars because they are only thinking of (or being offered) common ideas such as traditional school clubs or common sports. You really need to find an activity that piques your teen’s interests, so be sure to brainstorm activities with them that are “outside the box.” For example, suggest archery or skateboarding for sports instead of basketball or soccer. Research what classes are being offered in your community. Look around for unusual clubs in your hometown. Explore volunteer opportunities in your area. Open their eyes to the wide range of possible activities to see if their reluctance dissipates.
- Isn’t a “joiner.” Suggest part-time work as an option instead of sports or clubs. They might like to earn money at a place of employment or start their own business (babysitting, lawn mowing, selling crafts, etc.), all of which will help your teen learn responsibility, obtain valuable work experience for a resume, develop confidence and independence, and learn to manage their own finances.
- Prefers solitary activities. Consider whether your teen has a hobby or interest that is solitary. Perhaps your teen loves weightlifting, gardening, jigsaw puzzles, cycling, or creative writing. These are wonderful extracurricular activities and your teen needs time in his/her schedule in order to pursue them. Don’t push a sport or hobby that is outside the home if your teen already has one they are exploring, or wants to explore, in the home.
- Experiencing burnout. How demanding is your teen’s schedule? It is important that we give permission for teens to rest rather than constantly accomplishing things. If they are prioritizing their schoolwork and/or already have an activity or a nice group of friends they like to socialize with, they could legitimately need a break from more activities. Despite the pressure of society to always do more, there’s a lot to be said for just letting kids be kids and enjoy their childhood.
- Feeling social anxiety. Some youth experience social anxiety and tend to avoid activities with other people. This type of anxiety is very treatable, so consider visiting a mental health counselor who can give your teen coping skills and social tools. In the meantime, you can see if they might like to do an activity that is more solitary or self-directed at home.
- Addicted to technology. Social media, video games, YouTube videos, and phone apps have driven this generation of youth to distraction. If your teen simply prefers to sit in front of a screen all day, then offer them a choice. Either they can add an extracurricular activity of their choice to their schedule, or they can stay home with screen limits.
- Withdrawn. If your teen used to enjoy extracurriculars and is now withdrawn and/or his/her behavior has changed, there might be more going on. Take your teen to their pediatrician and explain the behaviors you’re seeing. Changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, violence, skipping school, or other red flags could mean that your teen is experiencing other problems that need to be addressed.
Final Thoughts…
Every child is a unique individual, and as such, there is no one right or wrong approach. Each teen has different interests and is able to handle different amounts of activity. In our fast-paced culture, you, as a parent, will be doing your children a great service if you will teach them now to appreciate and search for the right balance of rest versus activity in their lives and to pursue their own unique interests, passions and strengths without comparison to anyone else.